Being rejected for not being social
As I pick my pen to write I am aware I have nothing to write in particular, neither a specific topic, concern, nor a concrete belief. I am writing as if in a state I was in a month back. Therefore excuse me should the writing not have a flow and progression. These are just random and abrupt thoughts I cajoled myself with.
Exactly a month back I fell sick. It was normal-temperature, giddiness and nausea. I took medicines and rest to return to school only to deteriorate further as my limbs had started to pain. With severe headache I walked to the doctor describing my physicality. I had my blood checked to know that I had viral infection. The injections couldn’t be administered as my pulse rate was low. With each visit I tried my best to describe my health, more headache, rashes here and there and swollen limbs. However I realized the pain was deeper. It was not my body or the infection but my confidence and thinking process had stopped working all together.
A fortnight before, I had applied to a world renowned college. More than the course offered, I was mesmerized with the college and the idea of studying beyond seas and oceans. While I typed my form out, I was pretty certain for the selection, at least for an interview. There was no scope of ‘no’; it simply didn’t fit in my universe to not be approached for. I was never in the habit of losing.
Taking few days off school to recuperate ( I hardly skip school but the pain was both mental and physical), lying in my bed I was naturally waiting for an e-mail inviting me for an interview. Two days passed with my inbox being empty, with each medicine I took I coaxed myself for a better day which meant a reply from the college. And I got none; the due date was far over. Why would I not get something I knew I was supposed to? I approached my school leader to see if there was any ‘technical’ problem. She promised me with an answer by evening. It would only be tedious to describe how I sat still waiting for the dark dawn.
At 8pm I got a call. With hope I answered it and received two reasons behind my rejection:
One was my grades being lower than those of others and the other was me not being social. The latter one is obvious, isn’t it? But not in a million years would I dream of being deprived of an opportunity based on no being social.
I spent a couple of weeks to scrutinize my social behavior. The social part of me, how much of me is social, do I get along with everybody? Is there a need to? If I was put in a party my classmates organize monthly and you found my mouth numb I was sure to be called a recluse. I do not wish to oppose and fulminate you; I am trying to explain things as how they are supposed to be. Unfortunately the world doesn’t work on our intentions, it does on everybody’s perspective (thanks Oriana didi) I wish your perspectives were only informed.
I hate small talks, saying hi’s and hellos and asking how are yous in return. Somehow they make me shy. But sit down with me over a discussion on what I feel about; demonetization raging in the country, I am sure to be loquacious. I do not have the opportunity to discuss books with my classmates, only a few of them read.
Does that mean I submit myself to topics they chat over, that are of no interest to me? Because if I don’t I am sure to be labeled as quiet. We have group works in class. But the mechanism of ‘group’ was never taught to me, it was simply assumed that each student somehow had it. Innate talent do you say?
What if some of us did not possess it?
Introduction of a topic and instructing ‘go discuss in groups and come up with views’ does not work. If ability is not trained, nor possessed why would you blame me on that?
All I say is that it isn’t appropriate to judge me from a pool I show not even an iota of resemblance to.
As for the college, it hurts me deep. I know and I understand and my brain responds to the fact that it was only one of the many applications waiting for me. Life has different ways to convey different things and there will surely be a point when I say that happened for a good reason. I understand, but my heart simply doesn’t.
Two weeks back I was a part of a competition where I got the first prize.
I sat with myself in a corner of the auditorium and said to myself- ‘look I got my medicine.'
Image source: https://childpsychologist.com.au/social-exclusion-at-school/
